I AM COLLEEN.
I'm Colleen.
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Sunday, August 29, 2004
that sounds dirty doesn't it?
pretty crappy (red dot week, going to be pretty crappy for the next 7 days)
music: {incubus - "nice to know you"}
    
    
    
i changed the title of my blog from "The Crow's Vein" to "Tickle My Fancy" and now that i think about it, it sounds a little dirty doesn't it? oh well, it wasn't an intentional obscênity.
anywho, yesterday was nav's party thing. t'was very cool. we ate pizza and some fries, then we went to walk along the beach. it was a long walk to the shore, let me tell you. then kayla, nav, and carolyn put their feet in the water. amber, jess, amanda and i decided to stay dry. then we decided to take some pictures of old hairy men, and some group pictures of ourselves. (not with the hairy men, mind you) then we walked back. kayla ran all the way ahead, all lonesome, i tried to run to catch up with her but when i was half way there i tripped and fell. i sat in the sand for a while, and the only person that showed some concern was carolyn. i heart her, she's so very unique. one of the greatest people to be around.
so when we reached the boardwalk, we put our shoes back on and lost kayla. we found her and wandered around. went to the restroom, i had a strong urge to e but the stalls were filthy. i have a thing about public bathrooms. ick, especially ones as disgusting and crowded as that one. we went out to search for kayla again and nav's mom. we found them, and just wandered around some more. nav opened her presents, she liked my gift. (but today online i found out that it doesn't fit her. it turns out that she's a small, not an extra-small. oops for me.) then after several hours of loitering, we played miniature . and then had some ice cream. yum. then my dad picked me up on the motorcycle. i was a little scared because it was dark, and i detest riding on it in the dark. just a trifle freaky.
yea so yesterday was pretty awesome. nav's mom is super.
today the parentals went to some motorcycle ride out in lindenhurst. i stayed home with moira. we watched jurassic park 3, jumanji, and johnny english. (today was J, and tomorrow we'll watch movies that start with the letter K, lol)
parents came home from the ride. we finished watching johnny english with dad, and i went to go read my book outside. moira wouldn't leave me alone. i was with her all day, and i'm surprised she isn't sick of me. she's one of the only people that can tolerate my presence for more than 8 hours (and she's 5). kudos to her.
bored and tired. off to go watch some tv. maybe something interesting is on. i'd be shocked.
Colleen
  
Posted at 08:55 pm by crows_vein
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Posted at 04:03 pm by crows_vein
Friday, August 27, 2004
"but i'm not a warrior... i'm a duck."
indecisive
if you're just a passer by, i would never ask this of you, but please read the whole entry. thank you.
current::
tunes: {rx bandits - "sell you beautiful"}
munchies: nothing at the moment, not hungry.
poison: chocolate milk. yum.
attire: yellow plaid jammie pants and my blue "my daddy likes donuts" shirt.
worry: what to do about ze script.
    
    
i used to get all my icons from greatestjournal. but now i've turned to xanga. whoo, go xanga.
since my computer is being a butt, i used moira's computer and got to swap IMs with my Iesbian lover last night over. i heart meh brittykins ;D (incase any of you are wondering, she's not really my lover, it's just an inside joke, and we have many more.) we discussed random things. nothing specific. just our anticipation towards the new school year, and our worries about how things'll turn out. blah.
i am...tired and bored. tonight we're going to town hall to watch jurassic park. i don't want to. i want to stay home. and after my mom does her "aerobics" i have to do my yoga. surprisingly enough, i don't want to do that either. i just feel like lying down, looking up at my dust- and bug carcass-infested ceiling and figuring out what i'm going to do about the movie script. i downloaded the first draft of dogma's script for an example, something to read and learn from. it isn't much help. it did however make me realize that i don't need to include the camera movements or directions. thank the lord. that would have been a pain. i took some notes yesterday and taught myself some things necessary for a script. abreviations for director lingo. wanna see? you can read what i write, or just click this link for more vivid information.
1
INT. - interior, meaning in a room or building
EXT. - evidently exterior, in the yard or in a street
INT/EXT. - character is inside looking out
EXT/INT. - character is outside looking in
2
Crab - camera moves completely left to right
Pan - camera pivots left to right
Tilt - pivots up or down
Boom - moves completely up or down
Dolly - moves in and our of subject
Zoom - camera merely zooms in and out
3
C/U - close up
MS - medium shot
LS - long shot
2 Shot - shot of 2 characters in same picture
V.O. - voice over
O.S. - off screen
P.O.V. - point of view
M.O.S. - without sound
the only things i'm going to include are sections 1 and 3. section 2 can be either added in or i can wing it if i decide to actually film it. which i highly doubt i'll get to do so. this script will be much too complex to film with my limitation of casting. who am i going to get to play the mom, the teacher, natalia, or zach? they're all older than the people i have access to. but hey...i'll figure it out.
i'm going to go work on it now. or maybe just ponder about the plot. i cant seem to decide how drew's english teacher dies in the end. i would love it to be % A, but her mother already took up that position. you cant have two self inflicted deâths in one movie, well maybe you can, but i won't have it.
i don't want rhamsy (drew's english teacher) to die of anything health related. no diseases. i want to be an . car crash is too cliche. plus her father is set for a tumble off the side of cliff a in his buick anyhow. so two vehicle incidents intailing ities, i won't have that either. anyone have a suggestion? i was thinking about him being mugged. but its in a small town outside of boston, a mugging would be too much of a coincidence. so if any of you readers have an idea as to how i can cut rhamsy out of the picture, leave a comment in this entry. please. i need an idea. thank you.
so until i figure out how he dies, i'll just continue writing it. bye bye.
 
these two icons here symbolize a lot. the first one resembles my attitude towards tom. i plan to just erase him from my memory. pretend that i still haven't had my first kiss. pretend that i was never flirted with, and pretend that no guy has ever confessed his interest in me before. and the second icon...well it symbolizes how i never felt true love. and how i constantly wonder what it feels like. i think i'm leading to a comment question of the day.
so included with your suggestion towards the dêath of rhamsy must be the answer to this question.
have you ever experienced love, and if so would you please elaborately describe what it's like?
Colleen
Posted at 02:31 pm by crows_vein
Thursday, August 26, 2004
inspired by a television show that i have adopted as a new favorite during the summer, i've decided to drop the story-writing for a while. i think i'd like to try something a little new. i would like to reattempt a movie script. now that i looked up the correct way how, i think i'll do better this time.
dawson's creek has shown me the light. shut up, it's a great show. i've watched it all this summer. now that i'm home in the mornings, i get to watch it. from 10 am to 12. two episodes in a row whee. i remember back in the day when it started out, my older sister loved it. she used to stay up late at night watching it, swooning over dawson and blowing melodramatic happenings out of proportion. everyone used to say how much she looked like joey. i don't see the physical resemblance, but the speech patterns and voice tones are similar. just watching the show reminds me of her. i guess that's why i watch it. also because i love jack. ;)
in the episode that aired today he confessed his hômosêxuality. i've seen that episode about 3 times in the past, but it still made me scream with joy. go jack and his fruitness.
but anywho, back to the movie script. at this moment i am starting one called "what the world cannot see" it is about a young grl who's father was killed in a traffic , and who's mother committed % A because of it. the lass is sent to live with her siblings who share a house outside of boston. starts a new school and develops a fervent friendship with her english teacher. (it's always the english teacher.) later on she discovers that her parents that have died were never her real parents. and yada yada yada...something blurs and that's all i've got.
i havent established the actual plot just yet. i was thinking there would be some sort of vampiric conflict, but no. i think its time for something contemporary and real. i'll wing it.
Colleen
Posted at 05:08 pm by crows_vein
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
at the peak of my confusion
contemplative
music: {chevelle - "vitamin r"}
     
i have awakened my once-dorment love for Chevelle. i remember back in the day, about a year ago, i was completely infatuated with them. and i now see why. they are extremely talented, and i give them praise.
now on to the matter at hand. i don't know what i'm going to do with my life. the future, the long stretch of road ahead of me. that's all a blur to me right now. i've always been one to live for the moment and never worry about what's on the way. i evade it as much as i can. just like i am doing now.
i do know one thing though. when school starts, and i am confronted by tom... i'm not going to build up on the "potential" relationship that just might-be. i'm going to end it before it starts. if you know a disaster is headed for you, put a stop to it. it's like executing baby hitIer. and that's what i'm going to do.
you see, i don't trust my own judgement, never have and never will, but brittany has brought many things into perspective, the perspective in which i had fogged long ago. she made me recognize my own burried up thoughts about just what might happen. because of her concern for my well-being, i have established that i deserve better. and these are the few words that i've never said in my entire life. i've noted my non-existant ego and my lack of self esteem, but despite all that... i honestly do think i deserve better. maybe not spectacular, but better than tom.
and even if tom was the right person for me to endure a healthy relationship with, i'm not ready for it now. i'm at the peak of my confusion, high school years are the best. i don't want to wash them away by commiting myself to a walking pênis such as himself.
i have also come to another conclusion. about that kiss. that kiss that he and i shared at jaime's house. the biggest mistake i have ever made. worse than turning down earth science a year early, worse than ignoring all my instincts in the past. nothing can compete for the Crown Of Fûck-Ups against that kiss. it's in the bag. i am ashamed of myself for being so naive and blind. i should have waited for someone better. i should have waited to share such a special moment with someone who mattered. tom doesn't matter. he's just a sêx-driven loser that i once found refreshing and adorable. but now i replaced those admirable feelings toward him with severe disgust and aversion.
when he approaches me this year for the first time...i'm not going to explain it to him. i'm not going to give him excuses to avoid his feelings being hurt. though my awareness for human emotion is indeed bold and explanatory... oh but nonetheless, i'm just simply going to give him the bracelet back and call it a day. if he demands explication, i'll give it to him short and brash: frankly, i'm just not willing to devote myself to a complete man sIut like him.
however, the bracelet was a nice accent. i like the way it looks on my wrist, now my right arm will be bare. oh well. things can be replaced.
that's the end of it. you won't hear anything about him from me any longer.
i've decided to put the ixnay on the Anglophilia movie script i was oh so passionately bound to. i'm thinking about something a little more realistic. a character i can relate to, not a bunch of seattle residents with perfect relationships and perfect lives. the characters i have conjured up in the past have always been based on a fantâsy of mine. they were how i wanted to end up, not how i am now. they were beautiful to society and successful in everything. the only problems in their way were the pre-made conflicts required for a story line. and that's just not the schtick i want people to see. i want them to see me. to see my pain, my joys, my priorities. not some super-fictional set of people in an artificial movie world. i want to depict the life that the Average Jane goes through.
and if i can't do that, i'll resort to some other plot. a Plan B. my current Plan B is much too detailed at the moment, i'll share it with you all as soon as i "vague" it up a little.
ta ta.
Colleen
 
Posted at 01:58 pm by crows_vein
Sunday, August 22, 2004
distracted
music: {default - "wasting my time"}
     
today wasn't special. watched ferris bueller's day off for. then after that i listened to wayne newton's "danke schoen" about fourty thousand times in a row. took a shower, got dressed. went into the city with my family. we were going to take a boat out to the statue of liberty, but the line was too effing long, so we just wandered around. grabbed some grub, and walked around more. mom and i wanted to go shopping but dad was too tired. we decided that she and i will come back alone, just me and her, to shop and wander the streets looking for stores. can't wait for that. i need money though, she wont spend her own 'cause she's too damned cheap.
going to go do whatever, read, watch tv, whatever i feel like doing. i'm too blah. bye.
Colleen
Posted at 07:11 pm by crows_vein
Friday, August 20, 2004
thy flower withered on the stem
thirsty
music: {sixpence none the richer - "kiss me"}
    
...There from thy daughter, sister, wife
At midnight drain the stream of life;
Yet loathe the banquet which perforce,
Must feed thy living livid corpse.
Thy victims are they yet expire,
Shall know the for their sire;
As cursing thee, though cursing them,
Thy flower withered on the stem.
Lord Byron, The Giaour
not much has happened. yesterday was my dad's birthday, we made plans to go out to olive garden as a family. but it turned out that he was much too lazy to go out, so we just stayed home. instead, mom and i went to the italian place by dots to get bring home a little bit of italy for him. while our food was getting ready, mom took me to G+G to get nav a birthday present. i got her a nice little pink sweater-blouse-thing, something i'd never wear. then mom insisted on getting me something for her party. i wasn't in the mood to try on clothes, i rarely am. especially the clothes that she picks out. she tries so fûcking hard to make me normal. she forced me to try on this little black frilly number. i don't know wtf it was. she loved it on me, and i have to say it looked okay on me. but still, it wasn't something i would wear in public. if it doesn't have sleeves, and if i cant wear a sweater over it, then there's no effing way i'm leaving the house with it on. i don't care how "pretty" my mom says it looks, it's not comfortable. if i can't lounge in it, i'll never wear it.
so to compensate for my lack of the black frilly thing, she decided to buy me a few different things i would wear in front of people. a long black sweater/robe thing. itchy, but i can deal. and some kind of...white spaghetti strap with lace on the top. the lace is a little...extreme. i don't like it much, but i'll wear it to please her. then she got me perfume. it smells like mens cologne, so therefore, i love it. she liked it too, oddly enough, because she's always angry when ever i spray cologne on myself at the mall.... so it's a comforting smell, shut up. x_x
we went home, ate dinner, and dad and i watched Taking Lives. that angelina jolie and ethan hawke flick. ehhh... it was good. didn't make sense at times, but what can ya do? ethan hawke is annoying, but i love angelina jolie, so i was okay.
was it wrong for me to start liking ethan hawke after his character decapitated that old woman?
today isn't a big day either. i just finished watching QE. i love that show ;) i laughed, i cried, i pledged never-dying love to carson and kyan... ;x
well i'm going to go do my yoga. haven't done it in forever, i feel i'm not as limber as i once was. heh, i sound like the cliché version of a grandmother. later days.
Colleen
Posted at 03:20 pm by crows_vein
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
can't be in a sorority if you have balls
No Mood
No Music
  
today i mowed the lawn, front and back and both sides. very tired...very beat. i watched sorority boys. omfg, very funny. i loved it. laughed my ass off so many times. kudos to the director. going to go read something. but while i'm gone, take this survey, if you think you know enough about me. the only person i know in reality that reads my journal is brittykins...so chances are she'll be the only one filling it out. but...i don't know. britt...just give my blog address to some random people that i know and that you know if you feel like. it'd be cool. love ya.
First memory of me?:
Most recent memory of me?:
Most recent memory of me?:
What are some of my favorite articles of clothing?:
Name some things I like:
Name some things I don't like:
What is my best qualities/things I can do:
what is the my weirdest quality/thing I can do:
How would you describe me to a stranger?:
Anyone/anything I remind you of?:
My favorite store?:
What am I going to do with my life?:
Name something I own.:
If I were to break the law, what would it be?:
If I were to break the law, what would it be?:
Name someone who's had a crush on me:
What's my best physical feature?:
My worst subject in school?:
Some of my favorite colors?:
Name some of my other friends:
Name some of my LEAST favorite bands:
My favorite famous people?:
My worst fear?:
My biggest dream/want/need?:
Name someone I've had a crush on:
What do I do in my spare time?:
is it ridiculous?:
Name some ways we're the same:
Name some ways we are different:
Why are you my friend?:
Nicknames, jokes to reference to?:
Colleen
Posted at 08:06 pm by crows_vein
Monday, August 16, 2004
lonely
music: {taking back sunday - "a decade under the influence"}
  
i stole this survey thing from my Iesbian lover, brittykins. those of you out there who read my journal periodically, and think you know me well enough, fill out this survey on what you think about me and leave it in the comments section. it'll make me feel special, and i need that feeling right now. later days.
If I were a month, I'd be:
If I were a day of the week, I'd be:
If I were a time of day, I'd be:
If I were a planet, I'd be:
If I were a sea animal, I'd be:
If I were a direction, I'd be:
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be:
If I were a sin, I'd be:
If I were a historical figure, I'd be:
If I were a liquid, I'd be:
If I were a tree, I'd be:
If I were a bird, I'd be:
If I were a tool, I'd be:
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be:
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be:
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be:
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be:
If I were an animal, I'd be:
If I were a color, I'd be:
If I were an emotion, I'd be:
If I were a vegetable, I'd be:
If I were a sound, I'd be:
If I were an element, I'd be:
If I were a car, I'd be:
If I were a song, I'd be:
If I were a movie, I'd be:
If I were a book, I'd be:
If I were a food, I'd be:
If I were a place, I'd be:
If I were a material, I'd be:
If I were a taste, I'd be:
If I were a scent, I'd be:
If I were a religion, I'd be:
If I were a word, I'd be:
If I were an object, I'd be:
If I were a body part, I'd be:
If I were a facial expression, I'd be:
If I were a subject in school, I'd be:
If I were a cartoon character, I'd be:
If I were a shape, I'd be:
If I were a number, I'd be:
If I were a TV show I'd be:
If I were a hobby I'd be:
Posted at 02:42 pm by crows_vein
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