I AM COLLEEN.
I'm Colleen.
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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
well. this year is going to be interesting. my mother had just informed me that she's not going to buy me any new clothes for the new school year. personally, i don't care. it's the reason she gave me that bothers me. "you have a bunch of clothes in the closet that you never wear." yes. okay. true. but that never bothered her before. evidently, my parents are in a financial slump. in need of saving money for my mother's emergency trip to mexico. (to nurse my cancerous grandmother to health) today i caught my mother on the phone asking our landlord for a stretch on this month's rent. i'm not yet sure whether the permission was granted.
well. fine. i'm glad she's putting the money to use, rather than buying cowboy boots and gucci bags from catalogues every damned day. (she's awaiting the boots in the mail)
i don't mind sticking with the same clothes. i don't care. i can improvise. i can make it work. i've made it work before. i have to admit though, that i tend to wear the same thing everyday. teehee.
anywho, i can't wait for the school year to start. i'm not anticipating the problem with tom, or the summer reading assignments due the first day. i just need to see my friends, see my new teachers. basically i just want to get the fûck away from my family.
Posted at 09:52 pm by crows_vein
No mood right now
Music: {Dimmu Borgir - "Puritania"}
what to do. what to do. well. i'm just going to have to see what happens when school starts. i loath making big deals of things when they haven't even happened yet. i haven't seen tom in months, and i'm already placing him under the Walking Dick catagory. maybe he is one. actually, i'm pretty sure he is.
am i really afraid? should i really give tom a chance?
yes, i'm afraid. and no, i should not.
i need my brittany. she hasn't been around lately on the computer, and i'm suffering from withdrawal. she usually helps me out with things, and i need her more than ever.
maybe i'll just give him a chance. learn from my own fûck ups. sure, he might try to get me in bed. but it's not like he's going to succeed. sure he might cheat on me, but it's not like it'd be a surprise. and most definitely, he'd dump me. but hell, rejection isn't new to me.
...and just for the record, i'm content with being a child in the forest.
Colleen
Posted at 01:19 pm by crows_vein
Monday, August 30, 2004
interference on a light note
why. why are teenagers plagued with such a need for drama?
why am i plagued with a conscience?
i made a choice before. and now i'm rethinking it over. well mother fruiting son of a peach, wtf am i supposed to do? take a chance with happiness? or let the possible joy pass me by? i hope all of you know that eternal misery is a potential result of this short-term happiness. should that affect my decision?
god. i don't trust my own mind. and when i'm actually willing to, it's being indecisive. should i end this thing before it starts with tom? or see how it plays out?
hmm.. you tell me.
Colleen
Posted at 10:53 pm by crows_vein
Sunday, August 29, 2004
that sounds dirty doesn't it?
pretty crappy (red dot week, going to be pretty crappy for the next 7 days)
music: {incubus - "nice to know you"}
    
    
   
i changed the title of my blog from "The Crow's Vein" to "Tickle My Fancy" and now that i think about it, it sounds a little dirty doesn't it? oh well, it wasn't an intentional obscênity.
anywho, yesterday was nav's party thing. t'was very cool. we ate pizza and some fries, then we went to walk along the beach. it was a long walk to the shore, let me tell you. then kayla, nav, and carolyn put their feet in the water. amber, jess, amanda and i decided to stay dry. then we decided to take some pictures of old hairy men, and some group pictures of ourselves. (not with the hairy men, mind you) then we walked back. kayla ran all the way ahead, all lonesome, i tried to run to catch up with her but when i was half way there i tripped and fell. i sat in the sand for a while, and the only person that showed some concern was carolyn. i heart her, she's so very unique. one of the greatest people to be around.
so when we reached the boardwalk, we put our shoes back on and lost kayla. we found her and wandered around. went to the restroom, i had a strong urge to e but the stalls were filthy. i have a thing about public bathrooms. ick, especially ones as disgusting and crowded as that one. we went out to search for kayla again and nav's mom. we found them, and just wandered around some more. nav opened her presents, she liked my gift. (but today online i found out that it doesn't fit her. it turns out that she's a small, not an extra-small. oops for me.) then after several hours of loitering, we played miniature . and then had some ice cream. yum. then my dad picked me up on the motorcycle. i was a little scared because it was dark, and i detest riding on it in the dark. just a trifle freaky.
yea so yesterday was pretty awesome. nav's mom is super.
today the parentals went to some motorcycle ride out in lindenhurst. i stayed home with moira. we watched jurassic park 3, jumanji, and johnny english. (today was J, and tomorrow we'll watch movies that start with the letter K, lol)
parents came home from the ride. we finished watching johnny english with dad, and i went to go read my book outside. moira wouldn't leave me alone. i was with her all day, and i'm surprised she isn't sick of me. she's one of the only people that can tolerate my presence for more than 8 hours (and she's 5). kudos to her.
bored and tired. off to go watch some tv. maybe something interesting is on. i'd be shocked.
Colleen
  
Posted at 08:55 pm by crows_vein
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Posted at 04:03 pm by crows_vein
Friday, August 27, 2004
"but i'm not a warrior... i'm a duck."
indecisive
if you're just a passer by, i would never ask this of you, but please read the whole entry. thank you.
current::
tunes: {rx bandits - "sell you beautiful"}
munchies: nothing at the moment, not hungry.
poison: chocolate milk. yum.
attire: yellow plaid jammie pants and my blue "my daddy likes donuts" shirt.
worry: what to do about ze script.
    
    
i used to get all my icons from greatestjournal. but now i've turned to xanga. whoo, go xanga.
since my computer is being a butt, i used moira's computer and got to swap IMs with my Iesbian lover last night over. i heart meh brittykins ;D (incase any of you are wondering, she's not really my lover, it's just an inside joke, and we have many more.) we discussed random things. nothing specific. just our anticipation towards the new school year, and our worries about how things'll turn out. blah.
i am...tired and bored. tonight we're going to town hall to watch jurassic park. i don't want to. i want to stay home. and after my mom does her "aerobics" i have to do my yoga. surprisingly enough, i don't want to do that either. i just feel like lying down, looking up at my dust- and bug carcass-infested ceiling and figuring out what i'm going to do about the movie script. i downloaded the first draft of dogma's script for an example, something to read and learn from. it isn't much help. it did however make me realize that i don't need to include the camera movements or directions. thank the lord. that would have been a pain. i took some notes yesterday and taught myself some things necessary for a script. abreviations for director lingo. wanna see? you can read what i write, or just click this link for more vivid information.
1
INT. - interior, meaning in a room or building
EXT. - evidently exterior, in the yard or in a street
INT/EXT. - character is inside looking out
EXT/INT. - character is outside looking in
2
Crab - camera moves completely left to right
Pan - camera pivots left to right
Tilt - pivots up or down
Boom - moves completely up or down
Dolly - moves in and our of subject
Zoom - camera merely zooms in and out
3
C/U - close up
MS - medium shot
LS - long shot
2 Shot - shot of 2 characters in same picture
V.O. - voice over
O.S. - off screen
P.O.V. - point of view
M.O.S. - without sound
the only things i'm going to include are sections 1 and 3. section 2 can be either added in or i can wing it if i decide to actually film it. which i highly doubt i'll get to do so. this script will be much too complex to film with my limitation of casting. who am i going to get to play the mom, the teacher, natalia, or zach? they're all older than the people i have access to. but hey...i'll figure it out.
i'm going to go work on it now. or maybe just ponder about the plot. i cant seem to decide how drew's english teacher dies in the end. i would love it to be % A, but her mother already took up that position. you cant have two self inflicted deâths in one movie, well maybe you can, but i won't have it.
i don't want rhamsy (drew's english teacher) to die of anything health related. no diseases. i want to be an . car crash is too cliche. plus her father is set for a tumble off the side of cliff a in his buick anyhow. so two vehicle incidents intailing ities, i won't have that either. anyone have a suggestion? i was thinking about him being mugged. but its in a small town outside of boston, a mugging would be too much of a coincidence. so if any of you readers have an idea as to how i can cut rhamsy out of the picture, leave a comment in this entry. please. i need an idea. thank you.
so until i figure out how he dies, i'll just continue writing it. bye bye.
 
these two icons here symbolize a lot. the first one resembles my attitude towards tom. i plan to just erase him from my memory. pretend that i still haven't had my first kiss. pretend that i was never flirted with, and pretend that no guy has ever confessed his interest in me before. and the second icon...well it symbolizes how i never felt true love. and how i constantly wonder what it feels like. i think i'm leading to a comment question of the day.
so included with your suggestion towards the dêath of rhamsy must be the answer to this question.
have you ever experienced love, and if so would you please elaborately describe what it's like?
Colleen
Posted at 02:31 pm by crows_vein
Thursday, August 26, 2004
inspired by a television show that i have adopted as a new favorite during the summer, i've decided to drop the story-writing for a while. i think i'd like to try something a little new. i would like to reattempt a movie script. now that i looked up the correct way how, i think i'll do better this time.
dawson's creek has shown me the light. shut up, it's a great show. i've watched it all this summer. now that i'm home in the mornings, i get to watch it. from 10 am to 12. two episodes in a row whee. i remember back in the day when it started out, my older sister loved it. she used to stay up late at night watching it, swooning over dawson and blowing melodramatic happenings out of proportion. everyone used to say how much she looked like joey. i don't see the physical resemblance, but the speech patterns and voice tones are similar. just watching the show reminds me of her. i guess that's why i watch it. also because i love jack. ;)
in the episode that aired today he confessed his hômosêxuality. i've seen that episode about 3 times in the past, but it still made me scream with joy. go jack and his fruitness.
but anywho, back to the movie script. at this moment i am starting one called "what the world cannot see" it is about a young grl who's father was killed in a traffic , and who's mother committed % A because of it. the lass is sent to live with her siblings who share a house outside of boston. starts a new school and develops a fervent friendship with her english teacher. (it's always the english teacher.) later on she discovers that her parents that have died were never her real parents. and yada yada yada...something blurs and that's all i've got.
i havent established the actual plot just yet. i was thinking there would be some sort of vampiric conflict, but no. i think its time for something contemporary and real. i'll wing it.
Colleen
Posted at 05:08 pm by crows_vein
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Monday, August 23, 2004
at the peak of my confusion
contemplative
music: {chevelle - "vitamin r"}
     
i have awakened my once-dorment love for Chevelle. i remember back in the day, about a year ago, i was completely infatuated with them. and i now see why. they are extremely talented, and i give them praise.
now on to the matter at hand. i don't know what i'm going to do with my life. the future, the long stretch of road ahead of me. that's all a blur to me right now. i've always been one to live for the moment and never worry about what's on the way. i evade it as much as i can. just like i am doing now.
i do know one thing though. when school starts, and i am confronted by tom... i'm not going to build up on the "potential" relationship that just might-be. i'm going to end it before it starts. if you know a disaster is headed for you, put a stop to it. it's like executing baby hitIer. and that's what i'm going to do.
you see, i don't trust my own judgement, never have and never will, but brittany has brought many things into perspective, the perspective in which i had fogged long ago. she made me recognize my own burried up thoughts about just what might happen. because of her concern for my well-being, i have established that i deserve better. and these are the few words that i've never said in my entire life. i've noted my non-existant ego and my lack of self esteem, but despite all that... i honestly do think i deserve better. maybe not spectacular, but better than tom.
and even if tom was the right person for me to endure a healthy relationship with, i'm not ready for it now. i'm at the peak of my confusion, high school years are the best. i don't want to wash them away by commiting myself to a walking pênis such as himself.
i have also come to another conclusion. about that kiss. that kiss that he and i shared at jaime's house. the biggest mistake i have ever made. worse than turning down earth science a year early, worse than ignoring all my instincts in the past. nothing can compete for the Crown Of Fûck-Ups against that kiss. it's in the bag. i am ashamed of myself for being so naive and blind. i should have waited for someone better. i should have waited to share such a special moment with someone who mattered. tom doesn't matter. he's just a sêx-driven loser that i once found refreshing and adorable. but now i replaced those admirable feelings toward him with severe disgust and aversion.
when he approaches me this year for the first time...i'm not going to explain it to him. i'm not going to give him excuses to avoid his feelings being hurt. though my awareness for human emotion is indeed bold and explanatory... oh but nonetheless, i'm just simply going to give him the bracelet back and call it a day. if he demands explication, i'll give it to him short and brash: frankly, i'm just not willing to devote myself to a complete man sIut like him.
however, the bracelet was a nice accent. i like the way it looks on my wrist, now my right arm will be bare. oh well. things can be replaced.
that's the end of it. you won't hear anything about him from me any longer.
i've decided to put the ixnay on the Anglophilia movie script i was oh so passionately bound to. i'm thinking about something a little more realistic. a character i can relate to, not a bunch of seattle residents with perfect relationships and perfect lives. the characters i have conjured up in the past have always been based on a fantâsy of mine. they were how i wanted to end up, not how i am now. they were beautiful to society and successful in everything. the only problems in their way were the pre-made conflicts required for a story line. and that's just not the schtick i want people to see. i want them to see me. to see my pain, my joys, my priorities. not some super-fictional set of people in an artificial movie world. i want to depict the life that the Average Jane goes through.
and if i can't do that, i'll resort to some other plot. a Plan B. my current Plan B is much too detailed at the moment, i'll share it with you all as soon as i "vague" it up a little.
ta ta.
Colleen
 
Posted at 01:58 pm by crows_vein
Sunday, August 22, 2004
distracted
music: {default - "wasting my time"}
     
today wasn't special. watched ferris bueller's day off for. then after that i listened to wayne newton's "danke schoen" about fourty thousand times in a row. took a shower, got dressed. went into the city with my family. we were going to take a boat out to the statue of liberty, but the line was too effing long, so we just wandered around. grabbed some grub, and walked around more. mom and i wanted to go shopping but dad was too tired. we decided that she and i will come back alone, just me and her, to shop and wander the streets looking for stores. can't wait for that. i need money though, she wont spend her own 'cause she's too damned cheap.
going to go do whatever, read, watch tv, whatever i feel like doing. i'm too blah. bye.
Colleen
Posted at 07:11 pm by crows_vein
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