i'm posting my schedule, 'cause i'm so very awesome like that...





1st - Math - Speroni (not Sperino, lol britty)
2nd - Biology - Ritacco/Limone
3rd - Bio Lab/Gym/Study Hall
4th - French - Marino
5th - Global - Zipkas
6th - Basic Airbrushing - Iaquinto
7th - Lunch
8th - English 10h - Connolly

confused

music: none right now.

alright. alright...lets get down to business here, bitches. no icons, no nice little poetry pieces, nothing.

i started school yesterday. it was the best day of my entire life. so far. and trust me, i've had some pretty damn good days in my time. this...this however...takes the mother fûcking cake. not only the cake..the whole god damn bakery.

i saw all my friends. brittykins! my lover, i love you very much. we've got about 4 classes together. math, bio, bio lab/gym/study hall, and global. super spiffy.

now...hm...i was worried about the tom thing. the tom thing...the tom situation, the tom issue...the tom problem. the trouble with tom. well, what can i say? i saw him yesterday morning in the cafateria, and it felt as if we never kissed. when i gave him a hello hug, there wasn't emotional love/Iust behind it. it was like hugging a friend that i havent seen in a few months. it was great. i was just so happy that there was no tension between us.

lunch...lunch...lunch isnt bad. (im into repeating right now, wired on coffee) yesterday it was just me, adam, and tom. britt and everybody else have either lunch a different period, or have dropped it for another elective. so yea, it was just the three of us.

i've never been that close to adam. only spoke to him at melissa's party and a couple times in the halls since then. but yesterday we became pals. he's a sweetie. ariel better treat him nice ;D

i'm very comfortable with tom. i cant explain it...he...he's like one of my best friends now. he's still touchy feely, but i've established that its merely his character. he's not showing interest in me. he's just a flirty hands-on kind of fellow. i'm not into touching. hugging yes...but he touches my face a lot, and i have a weird thing about people touching my face. i dont like it, i spaz out when they do so. then he kept touching my stomach, poking me a lot. i was going to kick him in the nads, but i'm a gentle pacifist. i would never forgive myself for bringing physical pain onto another human being. its fun to watch though...just not to do.

so yes, tom is merely a great and close friend. i have feelings for him yes, but they're dying down. they're realizing their waywardness. and the affection that i once felt for him has turned into a friendly emotion. i love him yes, but i love him like i love brittany. not like i love brian molko ;)

today was great. today topped yesterday. lunch was especially good. i made some new buds. tom's sister. samantha. she's very nice, absolutely sweet. and a freshman. then sal (ambers brother, who is now a freshman too) came to join our little group, because his friends arent in his lunch. so we formed a circle and played hacky sack. actually, i watched, everyone else played. DUDE tom sucks now. he didnt practice over the summer, and lol, now he's not as good as he was before. i remember last year...fûck, he kept on showing off with his hacky sack skills...now he's got nothing to show off. HAHA what goes up must come down. but i still love him. not the way i used to though. lets just make that clear. I AM OVER TOM.

so yea, lunch was a great time. i loved it, we all laughed. tom's sister is great, i have no idea how she can be related to him. i'm not saying tom is a bad person. he's a good friend. a great friend, actually, but nothing more than that.

and i'm worried. i'm very worried. my life is great right now. there is nothing wrong with it. i love all my teachers, i get to see all my friends. my schedule is super. nothing is wrong with it. my home life is getting better. still my mom is constantly complaining about my complexion and female flaw that N0Turs has commented on (no its not a birthmark. birtmarks are pie compared to this flaw). but i'm okay with it. there are a lot of things that should be bugging me right now, but they're not. and i'm scared. everything is so perfect, and i'm just worried that eventually it will all plummet to its doom. and i will be in a state of sadness forever....

i'm going to go take a shower. it'll help me think. bye.

Colleen

Sick of my sighs being the only things i hear.

   Tired of the world excluding me from its ignorant joy.

                Irritated with the constant calling of insanity.

good

music: {idlewild - "you've lost your way"}

positively spifferous

music: {the get up kids - "martyr me"} <~quite a keen song ;)



well yesterday we went out to target to grab some necessities for my mom's trip. and she insisted on buying me new underwear. wasn't too excited about that.
but then...i was looking at the wall of unmentionables, and set eyes this lovely pair in particular. thick fabric, soft pink, brown boarder, and an english flag on the buttocks. HELL YES BABY! lol, i fell in love with them right there. super underoos! i love them. they express my unhealthy infatuation with the british. teehee.
i should start pulling my pants down in front of random strangers...

anywho, i've discovered that when my mother leaves, i'm going to play the part of the mommy for two weeks. feeling pretty good about that. i'm willing to see how i'd portray a mother. i do want to have kids when i get older. i know i can care for an infant and toddler. but a five year old i'm not sure. so this is my chance to see.

i re-posted the cemetary scene, because the ending was cut off. if you haven't read it yet, please scroll down and check it out. if you have read it, and missed the ending, check it out as well.

my time is spent. i need to go yogalize. ta ta.

Colleen

EXT. – CEMETARY – DAY

 

Drew is sitting Indian-style in front of a grave stone in particular, dressed in black, with a bottle of Corona in her hands, a six-pack at her right, and an empty bottle to her left. She swigs back a few gulps, cringes at the taste, then takes a few more guzzles. She is now staring flatly at the headstone, reading the words engraved into it over and over again.

 

      DREW

      (For the 5^th time)

      Here lies beloved daughter. . .

      (Pause, swigs )

      . . . Wife, and mother; Julia May Dunville. She was treasured through out her       years. Born 1959, Deceased 2002.

      (Sips once more)

      Beloved wife, ha! That’s rich. Whoever knows my mother and believes that load of       shiit is more full of it than the statement itself.

 

She rocks back and forth and looks up at the bright sky. There is not one cloud up there, nothing but pure blue. She hears footsteps behind her, and a MAN comes into the picture.

 

As he walks up, he speaks.

 

      MAN

      I figured I’d find you here.

     

      DREW

      (Sighs uncomfortably)

      What a horrible cliché of an opening sentence, James, you could do better than       that.

 

She sips the and cringes once again.

 

      JAMES

      (To Drew; still standing in back of her)

      Why weren’t you at the funeral this morning?

 

      DREW

      (Still staring at grave)

      I had much better things to do than watch mom’s lifeless carcass get put      into the ground inside a box lined with silk.

 

      JAMES

      Satin.

 

      DREW

      Whatever.

 

      JAMES

      See, you would have actually known that if you went with us to pick out the   coffin.

     

Drew doesn’t reply. She just takes another gulp from the now half-empty bottle of . James looks at the pack next to her.

 

      JAMES

      Is that Corona?

 

      DREW

      (Sips)

      Yes.

     

     

       JAMES

       (Concerned)

       Drew, you're drinking?

     

He walks up beside her and takes a seat on the dry grass.

 

      JAMES

      (Beat)

      Without me?

 

Drew reluctantly hands him a bottle, he grabs it, opens it with his hand, and takes in a mouthful.

 

      JAMES

      (To Drew)

      For the record, I told you that it’s wrong to drink under age.

 

      DREW

      Right.

 

      JAMES

      (Swigs)

      So, what’s the real reason why you didn’t go to the ceremony?

      (Beat)

      And you better not fûcking tell me that you had to buy beêr and cigarettes.

 

      DREW

      (Turns to him; sips; speaks morbidly)

      I had to buy bêer and cigarettes.

 

      JAMES

      Damn it, Drew! When are you going to grow up? This isn’t a joking matter.

      (Pause)

      Mom’s deâd.

 

      DREW

      (Snaps at him)

      You don’t think I understand that?

 

      JAMES

      Why didn’t you go to the funeral then, huh?

      (Beat)

      Is there some sort of mind-blowing reason why you just had to miss our mother’s burial?

 

      DREW

      No.

      (Pause)

      I just didn’t feel like being there is all.

 

      JAMES

      (Sips)

      And you accuse me of being clichéd?

      (Pause; much angrier now)

      What the hell is wrong with you? What the is your problem?

 

      DREW

      (Angrily turns to him)

      I’m sitting in front of my own mother’s grave, James. You tell me what the fûck my problem is.

 

      JAMES

      I’m feeling just as much grief as you are right now. She’s my mother too.

 

      DREW

      (Glares)   

      Yea, but she didn’t kill hêrselg on your birthday, did she?

 

      JAMES

      (Throws head back in monotony)

      Don’t give me that! I thought we went over this already.

      (Beat)

      She couldn’t have planned it to happen, Drew. She probably just forgot that it      was your birthday.

 

      DREW

      (Sarcastically)

      Oh, that’s a much better scenario, James, absolutely ideal, thanks a million.

 

      JAMES

      You know what I mean. She could have just been caught in the spur of the moment.

      (Beat)

      I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.

 

Drew’s finger drags along the rim of the bottle.

 

      DREW

      I know that.

      (Pause; swig)

      It’s not that she did it on my birthday that bothers me, James; it’s that she       did it. I mean, how can you pay respect to someone who thought the only way to    solve things was to end their life completely?

 

James feels that she has more to say, so he listens attentively and takes a drink from his bêer.

 

      DREW

      I don’t think I would have been able to contain myself at the funeral, being around all those foolish mourners.

      (Sips)

      Crying and groaning at their loss, wishing mom to rest in piece and what-not.       They shouldn’t be feeling sympathy and sorrow; they should be angry and pìssed.

 

      JAMES

      And that’s what you are?

 

      DREW

      Yes. Extremely. I’m highly disappointed in her, and I don’t think I’ll be able      to hold her in high regards ever again.

 

      JAMES

      You’re blowing this thing entirely out of proportion, sis.

 

      DREW

      Am I? Am I? ‘Cause I don’t really think I am, bro.

 

      JAMES

      Well, you are. Mom’s deâd. She’s deâd, alright?

      (Beat)

      It doesn’t fûcking matter how she died, the only thing that’s really of any       importance here is that she is deâd.

 

      DREW

      I know- I know that. And I’ve already taken that into thought.

      (Pause; swig)

      It’s just… everyone is expecting me to be in mourning, and to be trapped in         empathy and bereavement, but I’ve already used up all my sorrow when dad served     her with divorce papers.

      (Turns away from him; looks at headstone)

      Now I’m just pìssed that she was so narrow-minded- thinking sûicide was the   only answer.

 

      JAMES

      (On a light note)

      Hey, I seem too recall a young thirteen-year-old standing on the rooftop of   Granny May’s house in the middle of winter daring to jump.

 

      DREW

      (Scowls at him)

      That’s a completely different situation. It was a one-story house, how hurt   could I have gotten? A broken leg, at the most. Plus, I was merely testing the laws of gravity; there were no suîcidal intentions behind it.

      (Pause; then quickly turns to him)

      I thought I told you never to mention that.

 

      JAMES

      (Finishes béer; grabs another)

      Well, it’s hard for me not to, considering the fact that you were up there for 2       hours and we had to call the fire-department to get you down.

 

      DREW

      (Laughs)

      You see there I was testing the vigor of Granny May’s authority.

 

      JAMES

      (Wide-eyed)

      Drew, she almost had a stroke!

 

      DREW

      Yea well, age does that to you.

 

The two siblings share a long-awaited and heartfelt laugh.

 

      JAMES

      (In between snickers)

      No, now in all seriousness-

      (Beat)

      The Gnat and I signed the papers after the wake.

 

      DREW 

      (Smile fades)

      I still don’t understand why I’m being put into your custody and not dad’s. I’ve    got no problem with it, don’t get me wrong; actually, I prefer to stay with you   and The Gnat. I just can’t seem to grasp this conformity.

 

      JAMES

      (Looks down)     

      Well, during the divorce, mom made him sign a document stating that you’ll be       put under our care if anything would happen to her. And something did, so here    we are.

 

      DREW

      And dad agreed to this?

 

      JAMES

      I guess. He signed the papers, I’m not sure if it was forced or voluntary.

 

      DREW

      (Sincere and quiet)

      James.

 

He takes a sip from his newly opened bêer and looks at her. She returns his gaze with frank eyes.

 

      JAMES

      What? What is it?

 

      DREW

      (Looks down at )

      Today, at the funeral, did dad try to deny the documents? You know, did he try      to be my father again, to gain my guardianship? Did he put up a fight?

 

James places his hand on her shoulder, about to break painful news to her.

      JAMES

      (Facing her)

      Drew-

      (Pause)

      Dad wasn’t at the funeral.

I had to re-post this piece, the ending was cut off. James' last line didn't show.

Bartleby: The Rededication is in four days.

Loki: Our last four days on earth. If I had a dîck, I'd go get laid. But we can do the next best thing.

Bartleby: What's that?

Loki: ...Let's kill people.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  

hello, there. how is life treating all of you? that's nice. good to hear it.

school starts in a couple of days. this wednesday. very anxious. and yet i'm also dreading it. but, hey. doesn't everyone have the pre-school jitters?

the only ones that don't get nervous before school starts, are the soon-to-be kindergarteners. only because they don't know better than to look forward to it with every ounce of energy in their possession. oh how i envy them. how i long to be five again.

i might, MIGHT, go to brittany's house tomorrow. if she calls me. and if my mom says yes. if i am allowed, we just might take a little walk to stop & shop. she's planning on giving mike his stuff back. yes, they broke up. it makes me sad, but it's for the best.

anywho, part of me wants to go to stop & shop, just 'cause it's a crazy-cool store. but the other part of me, the one with common sense, says that it's a bad idea. i don't think i want to see tom. i want to avoid seeing him as much as possible.

i don't know. maybe it's a good idea. maybe i should go, and just let him see that the whole thing between us was merely a fling, and only that. yes. that's right. i'll walk in there with my head held high and show him i'm not effected. and then... run to the dairy section and read the ingredient labels on the yogurt thingies.

so i'm chicken shît. there's nothing wrong with that.

well. i'm still not sure about what's going to happen. we'll just have to wait and see.

and brittany is right. we need new love interests. we should just point out random guys and stalk them. we're sneaky enough. or maybe...i can develop an unhealthy obsession with brian molko. craig nicholls? jason lee? brandon boyd?

my older sister, vanessa, called me last night. we talked about random things. she cleared a few things up that were all foggy in my brain. i've established the idea to not give tom his bracelet back just yet. it's too much of a slap in the face. even though he might not give a rat's ass whether i keep it or not, i'll just stow it away in my locker, saving it for when he asks for it.

oh guess what!! vincent's speaking clearly now. i'm so proud. {vincent is vanessa's 2 yr old - almost 3 - son} she put him on the phone with me and he said "Hi, Tia Colleen!" isn't that spectacular? he sound so cute, and we've been so worried that he wouldn't learn how to talk the right way, and now we've been proven wong. i cried. shut up, i'm allowed to cry. and then he sang to me. his favorite song. "Maps" by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. kids got spiffy taste, does he not? he also sang me "The Reason" by Hoobastank. i think i've had a good influence on this kid. now all i need to do is get him to take guitar lessons and pierce his lip when he's older, and i'm set. ;)

blah. i smell. i need to take a shower. but i'm babysitting moira.

[+EDIT]

i just went up to little east neck road. grabbed a snapple from CVS and walked back home. i liked being on my own, alone for a while. t'was good. i was going to invite kate to come along with me, but it turns out she was at kayla's house, so no cigar. i went by myself, and i think i had a good time. going to try to go tomorrow, if i don't go to britt's house. which is a good chance i wont, because she hasn't called yet and my mother wouldnt let me if she did. maybe i'll drop by a deli or something. mom says there's a cute little stationary store a trifle farther, just might check that out.

alright, well i'm spent. going to go try and add stuff to my script. ta.

Colleen

depressed

music: {violent delight - "same old story"} <~ spiffy song, check it out.