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music: {the hives - "die, alright!"}
well...i thought about brittany's comment on my last entry, after reading it twice... and yea i thought about it a lot.
i haven't really come up with a decision on what to do about tom. i know he's a hôrny little bâstard, but maybe i'm willing to work with that. i understand that he's most likely going to try something with me, and break up with me if he doesn't get what he wants. i wouldn't mind being dumped. hey, it's better to have lôved and lost than never to lôved at all.
but i wouldn't be able to accept it if he were to ever cheat on me. i wouldn't be able to hide my pain behind a smile and act like everything's honkey dorey, like i always do whenever something bothers me. i wouldn't be able to do that. my agony would be worn, and would be visible for even the nâked eye to see.
god, i don't know what to do... i respect brittany's judgement, and i've taken her advice into consideration. i lôve her, but i'm just afraid. afraid that my good intentions will blow up in my face. i'm afraid of being hurt. i'm willing to take the chance of "going out" with tom, i'm willing to put myself in a situation where degredation and dignity depletion are present. i'm ready to just... step into the flames. but i fear getting burned.
...fùckeroo... oh i'll just make the decision when i know for sure that i'll see tom during the school year. he's in a different grade than i am, and there are three different lunch periods. what are the chances that he and i will have the same one? i can avoid him... i'm damn good at avoiding people.
anywho, today we're going to some family fair at town hall. i dont know wtf it is... something with little contests and junk like that. katelyn and her mom might be tagging along... but either way... i'm not really in the mood to go out anywhere. i just want to stay home in my jammies and leopard print slippers. i swear it, i havent worn actual clothing in a week. it's scary....but so very ideal.
i'll probably update later... love you all. and i love you brittykins, thanks for your comment and your blunt and "harsh" honesty, it showed me the light, so to speak. i'm glad i've got a friend like you ;)
Colleen
music: {the hives - "die, alright!"}
well...i thought about brittany's comment on my last entry, after reading it twice... and yea i thought about it a lot.
i haven't really come up with a decision on what to do about tom. i know he's a hôrny little bâstard, but maybe i'm willing to work with that. i understand that he's most likely going to try something with me, and break up with me if he doesn't get what he wants. i wouldn't mind being dumped. hey, it's better to have lôved and lost than never to lôved at all.
but i wouldn't be able to accept it if he were to ever cheat on me. i wouldn't be able to hide my pain behind a smile and act like everything's honkey dorey, like i always do whenever something bothers me. i wouldn't be able to do that. my agony would be worn, and would be visible for even the nâked eye to see.
god, i don't know what to do... i respect brittany's judgement, and i've taken her advice into consideration. i lôve her, but i'm just afraid. afraid that my good intentions will blow up in my face. i'm afraid of being hurt. i'm willing to take the chance of "going out" with tom, i'm willing to put myself in a situation where degredation and dignity depletion are present. i'm ready to just... step into the flames. but i fear getting burned.
...fùckeroo... oh i'll just make the decision when i know for sure that i'll see tom during the school year. he's in a different grade than i am, and there are three different lunch periods. what are the chances that he and i will have the same one? i can avoid him... i'm damn good at avoiding people.
anywho, today we're going to some family fair at town hall. i dont know wtf it is... something with little contests and junk like that. katelyn and her mom might be tagging along... but either way... i'm not really in the mood to go out anywhere. i just want to stay home in my jammies and leopard print slippers. i swear it, i havent worn actual clothing in a week. it's scary....but so very ideal.
i'll probably update later... love you all. and i love you brittykins, thanks for your comment and your blunt and "harsh" honesty, it showed me the light, so to speak. i'm glad i've got a friend like you ;)
Colleen
